I have realised a horrible truth about myself. I am always ready to trust people, but I end trusting them too soon and end up feeling worse than I did before. I will always accept people's attitude, and then I end up beating myself up trying to not break down. For example, I try my best to stay cheerful, no matter what the situation. Do you know why? It's because it helps me deal with the things I hear, and the fact that my grandpa might die and my mum would not have been able to say goodbye to him, and grandma would never be able to forgive mum for that, despite her saying that it's fine.
Being happy helps me cope with the fact that sometimes I feel like I would like to just sit in a little room and stay there for ever and ever. Instead of just dealing with suck-ish things, I try to make them look better by looking at things in perspective. Say I had a broken arm. I'd be saying that it would be better than having no arm at all. That's the way I work. It just is. Sometimes it can get tricky, because when I really am upset I tend to turn that inwards. But I can assure you, it doesn't happen often.
So, if you ever meet me and I'm totally happy and that pisses you off, please consider the reasons as to why I might be acting like that before you judge me. I'm not saying that you can't judge me, just don't do it without thinking about what I might be going through. Now you can call me self-obsessed. :) Because I am. At least a little bit. I mean, come on, I'm blogging mainly about myself. What can I say? I'm big-headed and egotistical. And I wonder why I'm not in a relationship. How strange...
Was that cheerier? Was it? :D
Love you all! xxx
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